Excerpt
I never expected to be writing this.
In November of 1992, a fellow named Jim Seels came up to me at a signing in southern California to propose that he publish a bibliography of my work. I promised my cooperation. When the project was underway, I got a call from him. "What I need now," he said, "is a list of all your pen names, and the various books you wrote under them."
I explained that that was out of the question. I was perfectly willing to acknowledge three books I had written as Paul Kavanagh and four as Chip Harrison, and indeed had had those books reprinted under my own name. But my earlier pseudonymous work was something I did not want to talk about, for any number of reasons.
"Your fans want to know about these books," Seels said.
I quoted the Stones, something about not always getting what you want. That night I sat down and wrote a 1200-word essay on pen names, and why mine would remain unacknowledged. I explained how little I had thought of the books while I was writing them, how idiotic editing had made some of them even worse than they were when they left my typewriter, and how the publishers sometimes cavalierly placed my pen name on somebody else's book, or somebody else's pen name on mine. Furthermore, I had employed ghost writers over the years, so there were many books published under my pen names, and purposely crafted by their authors to resemble my work, which I had not written. Or even read.
I sent the essay to Seels. He liked it well enough, and agreed to run it in the bibliography. It was clear, though, that he'd have preferred my coming clean in print.
#
A few months later, Ernie Bulow came to town. Ernie, a writer, small publisher, and Indian trader based in Gallup, New Mexico, had done a fine book with Tony Hillerman called Talking Mysteries. He'd published a limited edition of the book, with University of New Mexico Press issuing a trade edition. The book sold well and got an Edgar nomination, and Ernie had agreed to do five similar volumes, one with me. We were to call it After Hours, and it would include several lengthy conversations of ours plus a couple of odd essays and my first published short story.
We sat down together and he set up the tape recorder. We weren't far into the first day's session when he brought up the subject of pseudonymous work. I gave him a short version of my essay for Seels, explaining why I didn't want to get into all that.
"But people want to know about all that," he said.
"People in hell want ice water," I said, quoting my mother-in-law.
"Look," he said, "there are a lot of people who already know the names you used. There's been quite a bit of research done." And he showed me an annotated list of my books from a paperback dealer named Lynn Munroe. It was over thirty pages long, and listed 200 items, some in a single line, some with lengthy paragraphs explaining why the author assumed the book in question was mine.
I explained my stance to Ernie. I refused to confirm or deny my authorship of pseudonymous books, would not sign them when they were presented to me, and certainly did not want to sit around and discuss them now. He did what he could to sway me from this position, failed, and gave in gracefully.
We talked widely on other topics for several hours. At the end I asked if I could borrow Lynn Munroe's list. He said he had a copy, and I was welcome to it.
#
It kept me up all night. There were books listed which I hadn't written, of course, but there were also books that I had written—but hadn't thought of in years. The effort that had gone into figuring out what I had or hadn't written was remarkable. Here's the entry for a 1960 title called I Sell Love, by Liz Crowley: "Monarch MB508. . .this Human Behavior Series entry purports to be the true account of one prostitute's life. Actually it's a Block fiction. When Victor Berch ran his excellent Monarch pseudonyms checklist, he mentioned that two of the authors had asked him not to reveal their pen names. From my own interviews I knew that the only two of that gang who don't own up to their books are Block and Westlake. And Westlake's Monarch pseudonym. . .is immediately transparent to anyone reading the author profile. That left Block. . . .And so I visited the Library of Congress during my last trip to Washington, DC. Unlike the Nightstands and Midwoods, the Monarchs are all copyrighted. That's how we know that Lawrence Block wrote I Sell Love. By the way, Liz mentions the name of a movie she likes on p. 28: A Sound of Distant Drums. And on p. 46 she meets Honour Mercy, "Honey" from Kentucky, A Girl Called Honey from Lord & Marshall's Midwood 41."
Reading all of this stirred me up more than I ever would have imagined. I clucked at the flights of fancy some of these researchers were capable of, finding hidden meanings where none existed. I got a certain amount of satisfaction from the several pen names of mine that they'd missed. More than anything else, though, I simply felt overwhelmed by having been suddenly ambushed by my own past.
"Someday," I told my wife, "I ought to write about those years."
"You should," she agreed.
"But not yet," I said. "I'll have to wait until the time comes when I'm still young enough to remember it all, but old enough so I don't give a shit."
#
That all happened in April of 1993. In October I attended Bouchercon in Omaha, where a fellow named Martin Hawk was offering for sale his voluminous guide to pseudonyms. He had me in there, of course, with most but not all of the names I'd used, and several I hadn't. He told me he'd certainly appreciate it if I could help him make his list more accurate for the next edition. I told him it was already more accurate than I would have preferred.
"Someday I'll write about those days," I told a couple of people. "But not yet."
#
In February of '94 I went to Ragdale, a writers' colony in Lake Forest, Illinois. I had a book to write and went to work on it, getting almost half of it completed in the first two weeks of my four-week stay. Then, as sometimes happens, I realized I'd taken a wrong turn in the book. The first third of what I'd written was sound, but I was going to have to scrap the rest, replot, and do it over. And it was going to have to wait, because I wasn't ready to undertake that task yet.
So what would I do with the rest of my time there?
First thing I did was spend a couple of days writing a long short story ("Keller in Shining Armor"). Then, while contemplating my next move, I got a message from Otto Penzler; he would need an introduction for the hardcover edition he was going to publish of The Canceled Czech, a book I had written in 1966. There was no rush, he said, but I figured it was something I could get out of the way while I decided what to do next.
I had more trouble with it than I'd expected. I found myself reminiscing in the intro about what my life had been like when I wrote the early Tanner books, of which The Canceled Czech was the second. With the introduction about two-thirds completed, I realized that I was ready for a longer stroll down Memory Lane—that I was in fact ready to write that memoir about the early years.
I couldn't get to sleep that night. My mind was racing all over the place. I woke up the next day and got to work as soon as I'd had my breakfast, and I literally could not stop working. I broke for meals, then kept going back to it. I didn't stop until midnight, by which time I'd written 8000 words. Even then I couldn't get my mind to quit, and I had a hell of a time getting to sleep.
The next morning I went right to it again. In a little more than a week, I would write 50,000 words.