Excerpt

I stretched and yawned as I took in a breath and slowly woke up, feeling as if yesterday had all been a bad dream. Ted and his show, the jeering audience, my never-ending flight with Sally and her conspiracy theories, the weird guy in the alley, the same weird guy in the road ... my wrecked truck ...

My eyes shot open, and I sat up.

"Good morning sunshine."

I jerked around so fast, I all but gave myself whiplash. The feminine voice did not seem to come from any one place in particular, but rather all around me, and my head tried to turn in every direction at once.

"Who's that? Who's there? Where am I?"

"Wow, that is a lot of questions. Let me see. I am designation BT3RCP, the second question seems redundant, and you are on Earth, for now."

"Redundant?" I shouted. "What do you mean for now? Let me out of here." I scrambled to my feet and staggered in a full circle. My surroundings were like nothing I had ever seen. It was like I had been transported to the interior of an ice cave where the ceilings and walls were all curved, slick and blue. Everything glowed with an inner light that gave the space an underwater ethereal appearance, but it was not cold, quite the contrary. It felt warm and comfortable, almost too warm, and now I understood why I had been sleeping so soundly on the floor.

An oversized captain's chair faced what looked like a seamless display screen that consumed the entire forward wall. At the moment, it was dark as night but behind it sat a C-shaped touch-screen control panel full of more sliders, buttons, and gauges than I could count. It tempted me with flashing lights in every color of the rainbow that begged to be touched and explored. The touch-screen controls surrounded the captain's chair, but I noticed everything was just out of reach for anyone sitting there, at least for human-length arms anyway.

Behind the captain's position sat two more seats in a triangular configuration where I assumed the copilots would sit but they didn't have any controls that I could see.

"You can't keep me here," I continued to protest, my voice reverberating off the slick cave-like walls. "I am an American citizen. We have laws against illegal assimilation."

"If you keep shouting like that the human authority figures will come to investigate. I have us cloaked for now, but my systems are not configured to counteract whining. Try to keep your voice down."

"Human authority figures?" I thought about it for a second. "You mean the cops? The cops are out there? Help! Hey someone help me. I'm in here!"

As much as I wanted to make contact with an alien race, I was not eager to start out as their defenseless captive. I ran to the wall of the ship and found a bare spot where I could pound my fist. "Someone, help me!"

The voice let out an audible sigh and then something began to move on the ceiling. A small circular door irised open and an arm burst through, brandishing some sort of tech weapon at the end.

"Administering sedative."

The arm spun and pointed in my direction, and I raised both of my hands in instant surrender. "Okay. Take it easy. We can talk about this. I don't want to be part of some weird, probing experiment. Put away your arm thingy."

"I attempted to initiate a civil communication," the voice said. "You shouted and assaulted me with your tiny man fists."

The tech arm did not so much as flinch

"My fists aren't tiny ..."

"They are tiny man fists, and you struck my hull."

"Okay." I turned my hands up in an attempt to placate the voice. "I'm sorry I hit—you."

"That's better. May we resume communications? I have no wish to harm you."

I nodded toward the strange defense arm trained on me from the ceiling. "No offense, but from where I'm standing it doesn't look that way."

The voice let out an irritated hiss then the arm retracted back from where it came.

"Does that satisfy your anxiety?"

"Weird way to say it, but yes, thank you."

I stood there for at least a full minute in silence, staring at all the flashing lights, slick walls and oversized accommodations.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on here or am I a snack for whoever sits in those huge chairs?"

"I wanted to give you time to acclimate."

"I'm not sure there's enough time in the universe to acclimate to this. Why don't we start with who you are?"

"I told you. I am designation BT3RCP. An adaptable interstellar fast attack vessel with an advanced intellect and intelligence system."

A light clicked on and illuminated a section over the bank of the display screen where the letters BT3RCP were engraved into the hull.

"Buttercup."

"Buttercup is not my designation. It is BT3RCP."

"Yeah, but it looks like Buttercup."

"Buttercup is not my designation."

"I know, I know you told me. But Buttercup is way easier don't you think?"

"I do not. Buttercup is not my designation."

I ignored her protest and pressed on. "You have the same letter and numbering system we do? How is that possible?"

"I took the liberty of releasing a translation crawler into your ear canal while you were unconscious."

"You did what now?"

"A translation crawler. It is an automated circuit that attaches to your auditory and visual cortex to allow you to perceive any written or spoken language as English."

"And you call it a crawler because ..."

The voice was quiet for a moment leaving my mind to imagine any number of science fiction horror scenarios.

"I believe the answer will dissatisfy your anxiety. My sensors indicate elevated sweat levels and heart rate."

"Well, you put a bug in my ear and now it is crawling around in my brain so yes, for the record, something like that will make a human sweat."

"Noted. Do you have any other questions?"

I cackled. "Only a million. What is going on? Why are aliens trying to kidnap me? Why am I on this ship? How did I even get in here? Where is the crew? Is the crew going to eat me?"

"You seem obsessed with being a food source."

"Yeah. I'd rather not be an alien's lunch meat."

"You are not a food source ... at least not on this vessel. You have been targeted out of billions of other humans because of your ability to connect with advanced communication systems and you are on this ship because I saved your life. My maintenance droid brought you aboard while you were unconscious."

I shook my head. "I feel like you're trying to answer my questions but somehow you're making things worse."

"The short explanation is—you are not crazy. You can indeed connect with interstellar and advanced species who exist outside the knowledge or understanding of your people. It is a sign that your species is still capable of evolving to use that incredible brain in your head. All advanced species have this ability to some extent, and it is necessary in order to rise to the next level of evolution."

"Is this about the fact that humans only use ten percent of their brains, and we have some unlimited potential to unlock more?"

The thought that humanity could be on the cusp of an evolutionary breakthrough was so exciting it nearly made me forget about the whole alien abduction issue.

"No. The ten percent theory is a myth. Humans use one hundred percent of their brain, although most of it is reserved for eating Doritos and streaming bad television. Humans are capable of much more, but any time someone shows any sort of evolutionary change you aren't celebrated. You are mocked and humiliated and forced into hiding rather than revered and studied. My data streams show the first woman to create fire was not renowned as a hero, but rather cast out as a demon."

I stared for a moment then said, "A woman created fire?"

"I take it back. You are still a caveman."

I held up a hand. "Okay, so you are saying this connection thing is real? Why is it so important all of a sudden? I've had this for years."

"As I mentioned earlier, locating an individual such as yourself is difficult. You do not have the technology to transmit a response. You can only perceive a connection. When you went live on television to tell the world about your ability you told more than humanity. That broadcast was intercepted by anyone willing to listen. Now all the popular aliens are going to want to link with you. Just be sure and use protection."

I let this all sink in for a moment then shook my head.

"This is a joke. It has to be. There are cameras in here somewhere watching me, right? It's some sort of spin-off from the Ted O'Connell Show. You are spoofing me for ratings? Well, it won't work. Let me out of here. Help! Police! I know you can hear me! Let me out!"

The voice let out a laugh.

"What's so funny?" I bit off the response, turning my head slightly to look at nothing in particular.

"You are a funny human. Oh, and I lied. This is an interstellar warcraft designed to withstand enemy fire. Yell all you like. No one outside is going to hear you. But if you keep annoying me, I will open the doors and let you go. Then the Scavid can latch into your brain again and turn you into a meat puppet for their mission."