Excerpt
[Jonathan Galelei has just offered Hawk and Lucia a very lucrative contract.]
"Tell me more about how you know him."
"The Galileis were our closest neighbors. I practically grew up with his sister. We played together."
"Like creche mates."
Hawk looked a little taken aback by the comparison, but said, "I guess? But, I had other friends. Like, I saw the Galileis only every so often. I wouldn't take a bullet for him. But, I suppose that's the closest thing you would have had. I just—I'm less sure about all this than you would be if it was one of your 'mates. Like, I don't know this guy anymore. I don't trust him any further than I would throw him."
Lucia didn't feel the need to point out that wasn't at all dissimilar to how she'd felt about her creche mates at times. Civilians tended to imagine everything about Lucia's childhood as some kind of nightmare, but there had been a lot of good times among the four other people she'd been assigned as 'brothers.' She often wondered where they'd ended up, how much they hated her… or envied her. Simon would definitely have been in the latter camp; he knew he was gay at seven years old. Homosexuality was considered a Glitch and undesirable. Being a lesbian, Lucia was a double 'fuck you' to the Force, and she was weirdly proud of that fact. Marcus, though? There's a brother she was just as glad she'd never see again.
"My experience wasn't my choice," Lucia said by way of agreement. "But, trust me this is what the Force counted on. You were raised with Jonathan. Bonds form, like it or not."
"Bonds, huh?" Hawk gave a little half smile. "And raised together is a bit strong. Cohorts are bigger than I think you're imagining. There were hundreds of families in this group. I had a lot closer friends. The sister was cute, though. I kissed her once."
"Heh, of course you did." Lucia gave her a little wink of approval. This little tease elicited an unexpected blush.
"Hawk? Are you okay?"
Hawk pulled a napkin from the little bin. Lucia was surprised to discover it wasn't a holo, but Hawk's behavior was even more startling. She started nervously folding it. "Jonathan seems to enjoy marriage. He's been married more times than God."
Lucia frowned, trying to decide if she should know the god in question or what any of this had to do with a teenage kiss.
The napkin became a compact origami. "He just got me thinking, is all."
About gods? No, it had to be the marriage thing. Oh! "Is this a proposal? It's just that I thought you'd be more showy and less shy."
This seemed to break through some tension because Hawk laughed. "Right? I would have thought so, too?" She glanced up from the wad of napkins with a very intense look in her eye. "You and me, we've been kicking around together a long time. Have you thought about it at all? I mean, with me?"
Lucia had to hold back an immediate, 'no, never.'
Because, even if that was true, it wasn't the right thing to say. She knew that. Her upbringing hadn't been the best at fostering empathy, but even Lucia knew enough to know that a swift, decisive answer like that would be crushing. And, she wouldn't mean it the way it would come out.
It wasn't as though Lucia found the idea of spending the rest of her life with Hawk repulsive. No, in fact, it was the exact opposite. She'd never wanted to presume, and so she hadn't thought about it, not even once. She'd shoved that possibility to the back of her mind. Especially since what always stood between them was The Scourge. Hawk would choose to ask, today of all days, when the shadow of that event loomed larger than it had in years.
If anything, Lucia didn't feel worthy of Hawk.