Excerpt
Excerpt from "Harley and the Alien"
Harley was named after the motorcycle her momma won from her daddy in a game of chicken.
Until she was ten, Harley thought that meant her momma and her daddy shuffle-danced around each other, flapping their arms like they were wings and making bwack-bwa-bwa-bwack! sounds at each other, until her daddy fell down and her momma got to crow out a victory caw. Harley got somewhat disillusioned—and a little terrified, to be honest—when I told her playing chicken meant her momma rode a borrowed motorcycle straight at her daddy while each of them pointed ten-foot hollow pipes they'd scavenged from a junkyard at each other, like they were knights riding on horses or something.
Well, the story goes that Harley's momma knocked her daddy clean off his hog. Like to put that metal pipe right through his shoulder, and then she muscled his motorcycle up off the pavement and rode on out of town before his boys could catch her.
By then it was too late to undo the lovin' that would eventually become Harley. Even for a woman as tough as Harley's momma, being alone with a baby on the way wasn't easy in those days, so Harley's momma—Maxine was her name—came home to live with her daddy, Big George.
That's me. Big George Wannamaker, and I'm an alien.
Oh, you can relax right now. I'm as human as the next fella, probably more than the next fella. I just don't belong here, precisely.
That don't mean I belong on the other side of that imaginary line that separates the good old U.S. of A. from its neighbors to the north or south, neither. See, I'm just not from this particular time zone, would be a good way putting it. I got stuck here a long time ago, and I learned to make the most of it.
Here is the little plot of land in the middle of a great big dusty, dirty desert my great, great, great grandpappy bought after he got home from World War II. He passed it on to his son, who nearly lost it in a poker game down in Reno, who passed it on to his son, who got killed by some damn fool idiot high on meth when the damn fool high on meth knocked on the wrong trailer door late one night.
Lucky for me, the family line didn't die out with him. Unlucky for my great, great grandmamma, she lost the land to the bank, but it turned out all right in the end. The bank lost the land to the government when the bank went belly up. Since the government lost me, in a manner of speaking, I figured reclaiming my ancestors' land as my own makes a kind of karmic sense.
So there I was, prepared to live out my days all by my lonesome in the land of my ancestors. I didn't intend to start up the Wannamaker line all over again, but I fell in love with Maxine's momma, a pretty woman who didn't mind sleeping with a man who muttered to his wrist using words she didn't understand.
See, I've got a communications whatsamajig under the skin of my left wrist, but the damn thing malfunctioned. That's what stranded me here. Every now and then I checked it, just to make sure, but in the forty or so years I've been in this time zone, nobody ever answered me.