Auston Habershaw is the acclaimed author of the Saga of the Redeemed (Harper Voyager Impulse). He is a winner of the Writers of the Future Contest and a member of the Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers Association. Habershaw has published multiple science fiction and fantasy short stories in Analog, Galaxy's Edge, The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, and Escape Pod, among other places. Habershaw has worked as a lifeguard, barista, waiter, QA tester, dog walker, hotel bellhop, pedicab driver, SAT tutor, office drone, and a bunch of other random things. He currently teaches composition and literature at MCPHS University in Boston, Massachusetts. You can find him online at aahabershaw.com

If Wishes Were Retail by Auston Habershaw

In this hilarious, cozy adventure, a rebellious but enterprising young woman and an ancient but clueless genie go into business at the local mall. The result? A delightful disaster that's sure to please fans of iconic 80s comedies, magical bargain hunting, chaotic comeuppances, and overworked gnomes.

Alex Delmore needs a miracle. She wants out of her dead-end suburban town, but her parents are broke and NYU seems like a distant dream.

Good thing there's a genie in town—and he's hiring at the Wellspring Mall.

It'd help if the Jinn-formerly-of-the-Ring-of-Khorad knew even one thing about 21st-century America. It'd help if he weren't at least as stubborn as Alex. It'd really help if her brother didn't sell her out to her conspiracy theory-loving, gnome-hating dad.

When Alex and the genie set up their wishing kiosk, they face seemingly-endless setbacks. The mall is failing and management will not stop interfering on behalf of their big-box tenants, especially the megastore ValuDay.

But when the wishing biz might start working, the biggest problem of all remains: People are really terrible at wishing.

CURATOR'S NOTE

A cozy, lighthearted adventure featuring a genie who sets up a wish-fulfillment kiosk at a local mall. – Alex Shvartsman

 

REVIEWS

  • "Irresistibly fun and funny, with a ton of heart and depth! This is the kind of book that sneaks up on you and sticks with you!"

    – Sarah Beth Durst, New York Times bestselling author of The Spellshop

  • "Taps into a long-storied tradition of smart comedic fantasy in the vein of Terry Pratchett… If Wishes Were Retail is a ten out of ten gnomes—if you can see them, that is."

    – Mia Tsai, author of Bitter Medicine

  • "Sassy and snarky but with soul…How Alex learns to deal with an obnoxious being of unlimited cosmic power and gains a better understanding of her fractured family is riotously funny and surprisingly poignant."

    – Booklist
 

BOOK PREVIEW

Excerpt

Chapter 1: Interview

The genie was shirtless, his skin a kind of burning red-orange color that reminded Alex of hot coals. He had these absurd muscles—huge, rippling piles of them, like a comic book character—and a wispy beard and moustache made of smoke. Alex tried very hard not to stare.

The genie had no trouble starting at Alex, though. "What is a Bagel Hut?"

"Ummm . . ." Alex found herself at a loss. "It's . . . it's a Bagel Hut. You know, where you get bagels?"

The genie squinted at the resume pinched between his long fingernails. His eyes were blazing yellow, like the bulbs of two flashlights. "What is a bagel?"

Alex had envisioned many bizarre ways this interview might have gone, but this one she hadn't anticipated. "It's . . . a . . . I dunno. You don't know what a bagel is?"

"Why would I ask you what a bagel is if I had the answer already? Do you think me a fool? A charlatan?"

Alex had an immediate answer for this particular question, but she held her tongue—an interview skill her mother had told her she needed to work on.

"According to this piece of paper, your only work experience is one summer working in a place called a Bagel Hut, and you cannot explain to me what a bagel is?"

"It's like a donut, but, like, not as sweet."

The genie looked confused. "What is a donut?"

"Jesus Christ, dude—google it, okay? You want me to explain what a shirt is next?"

"What secrets are you keeping from me about the Bagel Hut?" The genie shouted and fire leapt from the corners of his eyes.

"What?" Was she being pranked or something?

"If I were to call upon the master of the Bagel Hut and ask him . . ."

"Her."

The genie's mouth clapped shut. "What?"

"Her. My boss there was a woman. Ms. Partagas."

The genie took a long, slow breath, his absurd chest rising and falling in a way that made Alex think of glaciers and mountains and the movement of tectonic plates. "Do you commonly interrupt your master?"

"Master?!"

"Are you reliable?"

Alex knew at this point she ought to have said a variety of things—things her mother had coached her on, like "Ms. Partagas at the Bagel Hut trusted me to do inventory with her on Fridays" or "I'm my class treasurer at school!" But she didn't really feel like putting on a nicety-nice show for this guy, so she only offered the slightest of nods, trying to look away from the genie's blazing eyes, his pointy ears, the gold earrings in his pointy ears . . .

The genie threw the resume over his shoulder without looking. It flipped through the air and landed perfectly at the center of the bare desk that stood in the middle of the bare office, its edges aligned orthogonally with those of the desk itself. "Heed me, Alexandria Delmore: this duty which you intend to undertake is a heavy burden. Wishes are weighty things, and I have need of a mortal of unsurpassed constancy, lest this realm be laid to ruin at the feet of your own ineptitude. Is this understood?"

Alex frowned. "I'm going to be working in the mall, right?"

The genie gave her a grim nod. "Just so."

"And you want me to sell wishes?"

"Did not my advertisement in the Between Realm say as much?"

"Do you mean the Internet? Uhhh . . . yeah, I guess."

"And did I not swear to you that your toils shall be rewarded handsomely?"

"Also true . . . uhhh . . . genie? Gene? What do I call you?"

"You are not to call me genie—I will be known as 'Mr. Jinn'; is this clear?"

"You got it, Mr. Jinn, sir."